I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
