i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
