When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
