its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
