Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
