I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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