Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
