Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
