I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
