Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
