you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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