ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
