If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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