he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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