addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
