No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
