I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
