In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
