It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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