you're like a bully in the Christmas story
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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