thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
