i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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