1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
