Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
