you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
