It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
