so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
