it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
