Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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