Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
