He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
