I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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