i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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