I wanna bring you to show and tell
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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