I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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