Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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