Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
