Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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