I want to make a zoo with you.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
