the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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