Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
