Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
