this beer tastes like vomit already
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
