I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
