I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You're earring is so big in my mouth
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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