dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
This toilet bowl is my home.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
