Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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