u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
