that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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