By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
